Abe’s no stranger to food, and not all food is created equal. Using science, hard data and tastings, here’s his definitive ranking of thanksgiving foods, from worst to best.

23. Turkey. HOT TAKE: Turkey is the least good part of Thanksgiving. There, I said it. I'm also a vegetarian this year, so.
22. Jell-O salad. Ok....honestly this is the food equivalent of a cursed image. No.
21. Canned cranberry sauce. Nope.
20. Boiled brussel sprouts. Or boiled anything.) Boiled brussel sprouts are just tiny, soggy cabbages. No thank you, sir! NEXT!
19. Rice pudding. Not unlike the words "jello" and "salad", the words "rice" and "pudding" should be kept 50 feet apart at all times.
18. Any salad at all. If you enter my home on Thanksgiving with a salad, I will literally never forgive you.
17. Ambrosia salad. Speaking of salad...Who decided this was food!??
16. Cranberry sauce. (Not to be confused with canned.) I'll allow it, but it's on thin ice!
15. Butternut squash. One of many thanksgiving foods that stick with the "orange/yellow/beige" general color palette. Can be good (roasted! in soup!) but as always, watch out for boiled squash; that's more like "squish."
14. Sweet potato casserole with marshmallows. Very sus.
13. Pumpkin pie. While I've been highly suspicious of pumpkin pie since I was just a wee dino, I've been told it's "v good." I'll let you decide for yourself.
12. Cornbread. Rolls. Crescent rolls. The real unsung hero of the meal. Best when used in place of a spoon to scoop up any food on your plate to shove directly into your face.
11. Deviled eggs. Imagine starting your day with 6 fried eggs? :( OK, now imagine starting your day with 6 deviled eggs :)
10. Sweet potato pie. (Not to be confused with casserole) See "pumpkin pie"
9. Pecan pie. The perfect pie for anyone who welcomes the sweet release of a diabetic coma.
8. Roasted veggies. Tired: boiled veg. Wired: roasted veg.
7. Macaroni & cheese. Anyone who doesn't welcome mac and cheese on Thanksgiving spread is a weenie, full stop.
6. Green bean casserole. I'll take 1 green bean casserole, hold the beans, hold the weird soup sauce. (yes I just want those sweet, sweet fried onions).
5. Gravy. Gravy is to your Thanksgiving plate what icing is to a Cinnabon. LAY IT ON FAST AND LOOSE, FRIENDS.
4. Stuffing. Stuffing! The perfect food for anyone who’s ever thought “Bread is great and all, but wouldn’t it be better if it were mushy and I could eat it with a spoon?”
3. Apple pie. Cliches are cliches for a reason. The pie of pies. The KWEEN.
2. Corn pudding. This is the exception to the "savory food" + pudding thing. Corn pudding RULES.
1. Mashed potatoes. Mashed Potatoes are the literal and figurative glue of the meal. I like to take a big fork-full then roll it around my plate making a giant savory snowball.